picture perfect

I've always longed for a brother, a younger one will do. and yes, I have so many of them now, those from Fajar Hidayah Aceh. I love each and everyone of them. However, the past one and half week saw me hosting a new brother whom I've never met before. he was just like any of the other boys. baik, sopan and all things nice. worse, he made our Raya pic different from any other years. he made my family picture perfect.

Yesterday's parting with him was not good. the things i said to him was not wat i meant to say. *for those who witnessed it, please, u should know I did not mean it, and please just keep it to yourselves* it was definitely regretted. and my reasons were personal. Sadly, I couldn't even bring myself to see him go. not much tears but the heart was sore.

In my guilt we exchanged sms until 3 am. it was so heart wrenching to know he was tear soaked, and that his 2 weeks here had changed his life forever.

I was a possessive and protective sister towards him. and he knows. I guess Allah has his reasons for not letting me have a real brother cuz I know I will dote on him like mad. I am so possessive that no one can treat him nicer than me.

and no, I haven forgotten the rest I was close to. Agus, Rizki, Yazid, Nazar, Bastari, Fikri, Muhajirin and the list goes on. They're always in my mind.

So, to my Teuku Muhammad Harris, if u're reading this, ka Rai mohon maaf sekali lagi atas salah silap dan kasar bahasa yang telah mengguris hati. mohon maaf sebesar-besarnya. iyya, ka Rai ganas, ka Rai selalu gangguin kamu tp yg pasti kamu tau kami semua sayang ama kamu. ingat pada yang bagus aja, yang jelek ditinggal di Singapur...

There's a reason behind everything that happened the past 2 weeks. There's a blessing in disguise. i know. Should i bear grudges over what happened (not to the organisers), all pahala is gone. So i will redha and let it all go. Oh Allah, give me strength.

Laa Tahzan wa Laa Tabkii...